Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Books for Bastards #4

I ran into a few stinkers during the book binge. Who starts of their book with a list of jewel ranks and titles by gender? The same person who writes about magical cock rings that mind control 17,000 year old magical warlords.

I didn't get too far in this thing. Essentially nothing is explained before the prophesied child of ultimate power (called Witch, although everyone else is referred to as witches) starts making her rounds. We do know that she has a lot of jewels, though, and, according to the opening jewel chart, you can you do something with jewels up to 3 color shades higher or lower than you. There are also these dudes that must service the witches of the realm due to their magical cock rings. Not sure what's up with that. I'll never really know and I'm okay with that.

Found this book on a sci-fi list. Got a 1/4 way through before I realized it did not deserve to be on a scifi list. It's really just an amateurish crime type novel. There is a magical house mind controlling and time travelin' a hobo, but the overall story is quite mundane. I did some research after I quit the book to confirm that the house is never explained. It's just your run 'o the mill time traveling abode.

Listening to this just made me really want to watch the movie again. After watching the movie, I did not need to listen any further.

This one seems to be about zombie vampires. I was thinking more zombies but then this holed up SWAT team finds some big silver crosses and finally start to kick ass. At least I think they go on to kick ass. Randomly finding some silver crosses in an abandoned apartment as a plot point sealed the deal for this amateur effort.

I actually tried to read this one a little earlier. It seemed to be some pretty standard masturbatory sci-fi up until the introduction of satanists as bad guys in the book. I was willing to believe in biological starships and aliens with no bodies, but honest to goodness devil worshipers was way too out there.

Anyways, if you've found your tastes match up with mine in the past, you'll want to avoid these ones. Moving on to a more positive note for the next book post, my most anticipated releases for 2015! So much goodness coming out this year. I am pumped!


Mooni said...

My gf pushed the Hamilton one on me real hard. I got through the first 30 pages that pretty much exclusively lays out this symbiotic mind-melt between human(ish) pilots and organic spaceships that is cultivated from growth before I had to give up.
"Peter Hamilton" has to be a pseudonym because the whole thing just screams of girl-who-loooves-horsies syndrome.

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